Know your Idam Porul Eval (Place, Objective and Situation)

Many of us have moments in life where we don’t know what went wrong. But later learn something from it. I am going to share with you all three such stories from my life which taught me the importance of communication style.

Fill in the blanks

It was 2015. After working for a couple of years on the mainframe, I moved to a new company as a Java developer, with no prior experience in java.

Despite it, I and another colleague of mine were immediately roped into a Project Design. During the discussion calls with architects I used to understand the toughest concepts quickly while the colleague of mine used to find it tough and would ask a lot of questions that would wear down the architect’s patience as much as mine.

After a couple of months, the build started. But to my surprise, there were many missing pieces from the design phase. And every time I had to go back to the architects to get more details to make sure everything was in place again.

On the other hand, a colleague of mine who had a tough time understanding it noted down even the tiniest detail during the discussion. Eventually, he never had to go back to the architects for any questions. And he was able to complete the build on time.

While I was quick to understand abstract concepts, I was not able to fill in the blanks as much as my colleague.

As an Intuitive communicator, I was enthusiastic and quick to understand abstract concepts about the project. But I missed a lot of details which later caused conflicts in the project.

On the other hand, a colleague of mine who was a conscious communicator was giving more attention to details.

Die another day

It was in late 2017. My girlfriend and I met after a long time. Like most people in love, we were discussing everything under the sun and randomly she brought the topic about one of her aunt who passed away due to cardiac arrest.

She was feeling bad about it and was brooding over it. I decided to console her and win her heart. So I told her that it is natural for people to pass away and not to be so emotional about it

We had a very long conversation after that and eventually both of us were brooding. Not about her aunt’s demise, but my consoling words.

I wished her aunt had died another day so that we never had that conversation.

In this story as a Direct/analytical communicator, I was right to point out that everyone dies someday. But a lack of empathy and personal connection as a steady communicator caused me to brood over my communication with my loved one.

Arabian Night

It was almost 9:00 at night. I was very hungry and was waiting to leave the office as soon as possible to get back home. I was on a call for a prod defect.

Like an Anaconda’s tail that starts from its neck, a colleague of mine started from her morning routine to her broadband not working, to her kids who had to be dropped in the school, and why she was late to the call.

We felt like we were being told the stories of the Arabian nights. One leading into another irrelevantly. By the time she finally came to the recent change which caused the production defect it was already 10 in the night. What required just 10 minutes, made me stay at work till 10.

This incident taught me where actually we need to be direct/analytical and get to the point quickly rather than expecting a personal connection with the wrong audience.

There are four different communication styles namely Direct, Inuitive, Steady, and Conscious. After understanding them I was able to connect it with my stories. It was clear my communication style had a major impact on me on all three incidents. It is also clear from these 3 stories that the situation demands different communication styles.

A lot has changed now when I respond to the situation. Let it be at work or personal life. Gauging the situation and mood of the people before speaking has proven to be enormously useful.

Like Ralph.C.Smedley quoted if one knows how and when to speak, and when to remain silent, one’s chances of real success are proportionately increased. Cannot agree more with him on this.